Abuse Recovery

Question:

i am so sorry i am mortified there is a big internal conflict going about dealing with issues /talking and connecting i am scared i am sorry i mean no stupid harm really i wish things could be different but they cant obviously with all good intentions a few hours ago we began posting an honest desire to speak and deal with painful memories directly and since have been in-fighting and decomposing so now i am left sound irrational and stupid i appologize i wanted to be whole i wanted to be one i wanted to write on this newsgroup and take responsibility and own everyone in my systems pain but it just hasnt worked out cause now all thats left is turmoil and confusion i just wanted to be normal and focus and hold that focus and directly confront /cry/feel and talk but i cant everything falls apart and runs in different directions for cover i feel like an ass i am dissapointed in myself as a whole[haha] but unable to fix it i write on asd where there are others like me i had hoped to be whole and focused enough to do healing work/talk with ones and confront the pain head on i dont know how i dont know how to keep it together sorry sad eloise but really to be me what a mess me is

Response:

HEY SUZIE!! please sweetie…calm down.  have  a seat.  it is okay.  you are safe here.  do you want a cup of tea?  hey listen…i am not exactly sure what is going on…but you haven’t a need to be sorry.  i mean apologies aren’t necessary unless you did something terrible to intentionally hurt someone. i am so sorry

to be sorry about. i am scared i am sorry

it is important to know you are not alone…i will always be around, please lean on my shoulder if you need to.  i want to help…and i know you are a good person, worthy of being loved and cared about. suzie, you are a wonderful person who has a many great gifts to offer. please sweetie don’t be so hard on yourself. *big hugs* debbie

Response:

Don’t be sad Eloise.  You can keep postin and trying.  It doesn’t always work the first time, I know that and we all do. Stef – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i am so sorry i am mortified there is a big internal conflict going about dealing with issues /talking and connecting i am scared i am sorry i mean no stupid harm really i wish things could be different but they cant obviously with all good intentions a few hours ago we began posting an honest desire to speak and deal with painful memories directly and since have been in-fighting and decomposing so now i am left sound irrational and stupid i appologize i wanted to be whole i wanted to be one i wanted to write on this newsgroup and take responsibility and own everyone in my systems pain but it just hasnt worked out cause now all thats left is turmoil and confusion i just wanted to be normal and focus and hold that focus and directly confront /cry/feel and talk but i cant everything falls apart and runs in different directions for cover i feel like an ass i am dissapointed in myself as a whole[haha] but unable to fix it i write on asd where there are others like me i had hoped to be whole and focused enough to do healing work/talk with ones and confront the pain head on i dont know how i dont know how to keep it together sorry sad eloise but really to be me what a mess me is

Response:

suzie, You have nothing to be sorry about! My God — you’ve lived through monstrous horrors and you’ve been working so hard to put yourself back together. Take it easy on yourself… take a few deep breaths… look around yourself and focus on just one small beautiful thing (could be anything — a pet, an object, a color, a shape, or sound, or the way something feels). I haven’t been to ASD in days. I got behind on so many posts (between trying to keep up with 3 groups), and even my email. But you know what? I’m learning that is *OKAY*. I’m doing the best I can, *just as you are*. So please don’t be "sorry" about anything. I’m not marvelously consistent these days (got my own poo poo dah dah to sort through), but I’m *here*. You mentioned thinking about being whole. Does that mean you are considering trying to integrate? Are you in therapy? Oh well — therapy or not, there are people out here who are going to be holding your hand if you decide to move towards being "whole". I don’t know how it all works, but just know that you’ll have support if this is what you decide. Octavia

Response:

hi octavia i am a-ok feeling tired but better and glad you say nice things to me bye bye love me – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – suzie, You have nothing to be sorry about! My God — you’ve lived through monstrous horrors and you’ve been working so hard to put yourself back together. Take it easy on yourself… take a few deep breaths… look around yourself and focus on just one small beautiful thing (could be anything — a pet, an object, a color, a shape, or sound, or the way something feels). I haven’t been to ASD in days. I got behind on so many posts (between trying to keep up with 3 groups), and even my email. But you know what? I’m learning that is *OKAY*. I’m doing the best I can, *just as you are*. So please don’t be "sorry" about anything. I’m not marvelously consistent these days (got my own poo poo dah dah to sort through), but I’m *here*. You mentioned thinking about being whole. Does that mean you are considering trying to integrate? Are you in therapy? Oh well — therapy or not, there are people out here who are going to be holding your hand if you decide to move towards being "whole". I don’t know how it all works, but just know that you’ll have support if this is what you decide. Octavia

Response:

sorry if my last post was grouchy, but I don’t see what the point is sticking around an abuse recovery ng to be abused by people who can’t control their temper.  My feelings are very hurt by some people in this group and there are others ng where this doesn’t happen, so I’ll go to them when I have a problem. Stef

Response:

Hi Stef.. or is that Indra? sorry if my last post was grouchy, but I don’t see what the point is sticking around an abuse recovery ng to be abused by people who can’t control their temper.  

ok.. i’m going to go back and read the thread.  But I’ll tell you what– when I grouchy and get tempermental.  heck sometimes i get downright mean and nasty. Who has abused you here? Toss that word around enough, it begins to lose it’s punch. My feelings are very hurt by some people in this group and there are others ng where this doesn’t happen, so I’ll go to them when I have a problem.

Your feelings were hurt?  Why?  Because someone said something you didn’t agree with?   Sure there are other places where all you’ll get are pat, contrite messages of false support.  And imo, that type of "support" does nothing help resolve the problem at all.  If you shut out all those differing opinions, if you don’t take the time to listen and to learn about others, you get nowhere. Stef

pat

Response:

i’m sorry, i do find myself marking so much read these days. i really don’t want to miss posts!! but i’m so tired out. i thought the "weight" thread would be pretty good but as i pop in every 10th post or so, i realize it’s not about weight anymore. not sure what to say, so i don’t say anything. the ped/castration/etc. threads i can’t identify with … my dad could have been castrated and still abused me the same. tools, steel bars, 2×4s, fists. and WORDS. i don’t think castration would have made any difference at all, it wasn’t sexual, it was about violence and control. so, i just can’t identify with the thread or add anything of value to the conversation. between my sleep problems and medication side effects, i’m wiped out. even naps are full of nightmares now, sleep is no longer a safe haven, and it was the last safe thing i had. the medication side effects are worth it, i’ve already lost 2 pounds in just 3 days!! ironically i have to eat nearly every half hour, feels like i’m constantly eating, just to keep from going into hypoglycemia effects. the sleep thing is weird. nightmares so much, seems like i dream more than sleep. you’d think if i was in REM sleep that much, i’d feel rested. but i feel exhausted! the dreams are leading me to tons of creative ideas, more paintings and poems. but the lack of restful sleep is really getting to me. hey, anyone ever have one of those dreams where you wake up and stuff happens … and then you *wake up* and realize the first time was just a dream??? every night, at least 3 or 4 times, i "wake up" and my dad is standing in my bedroom doorway … then i *really* wake up. and my heart pounds SO hard, and i’m afraid to move and afraid not to move. anyway. i’m really sorry i haven’t been on IRC, or posting on here. i miss when i could sit up and be useful and help anyone in need. i "cat nap" sitting up a lot, not sleeping, but resting my body as much as possible. weird existence, not sure how much longer it’ll go on. i hope i can participate more, i really miss being a useful part of the community! peace, karmagrrl

Response:

karma, read and enjoyed your post, and sympathized and agreed with much of it. Particularly about threeds and subject lines. It’s wise to change a subject line to reflect the new turn of the talk, and I’ve done that here. Your mention of nightmares was a reminder. It has been many years since I’ve had them. As a child I had the recurrent dream that someone was breaking into my house, but I could not force myself to move to protect myself; that I had a gun to protect myself, but I was powerless to pull the trigger. It doesn’t take much "shrink-power" to figure out the significance. And I would dream that I would try to scream for help, but when I would open my mouth to scream, there was no voice. Perhaps that is the most telling: I had no voice. I don’t have nitemares any more. Haven’t for many years. And I’d add something here about real guns and real power, but I’ll pass on that dear little anecdote. Best wishes, karma. Alice Marie Beard http://members.aol.com/alicebeard/personal.html

Response:

hi karma yeah, well i miss you too.  always like reading your posts.  but you’ll be back, perhaps? jean can only hope. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i’m sorry, i do find myself marking so much read these days. i really don’t want to miss posts!! but i’m so tired out. i thought the "weight" thread would be pretty good but as i pop in every 10th post or so, i realize it’s not about weight anymore. not sure what to say, so i don’t say anything. the ped/castration/etc. threads i can’t identify with … my dad could have been castrated and still abused me the same. tools, steel bars, 2×4s, fists. and WORDS. i don’t think castration would have made any difference at all, it wasn’t sexual, it was about violence and control. so, i just can’t identify with the thread or add anything of value to the conversation. between my sleep problems and medication side effects, i’m wiped out. even naps are full of nightmares now, sleep is no longer a safe haven, and it was the last safe thing i had. the medication side effects are worth it, i’ve already lost 2 pounds in just 3 days!! ironically i have to eat nearly every half hour, feels like i’m constantly eating, just to keep from going into hypoglycemia effects. the sleep thing is weird. nightmares so much, seems like i dream more than sleep. you’d think if i was in REM sleep that much, i’d feel rested. but i feel exhausted! the dreams are leading me to tons of creative ideas, more paintings and poems. but the lack of restful sleep is really getting to me. hey, anyone ever have one of those dreams where you wake up and stuff happens … and then you *wake up* and realize the first time was just a dream??? every night, at least 3 or 4 times, i "wake up" and my dad is standing in my bedroom doorway … then i *really* wake up. and my heart pounds SO hard, and i’m afraid to move and afraid not to move. anyway. i’m really sorry i haven’t been on IRC, or posting on here. i miss when i could sit up and be useful and help anyone in need. i "cat nap" sitting up a lot, not sleeping, but resting my body as much as possible. weird existence, not sure how much longer it’ll go on. i hope i can participate more, i really miss being a useful part of the community! peace, karmagrrl

Response:

Dear Karma, I am glad you are conserving your strength. Maybe you could use mental telepathy to let us know you are okey? You are special here and I will hold you up before the loving God in prayer. Blessings and Joy, Mary

Response:

You big ding dong…it is worlds of usefulness just to know you are out there. I don’t need you to be givng to me all the time to find you useful or a blessing, kg.  No one does. Besides, in reaching out to people when you feel scared like this, you become MORE useful in giving THEM an opportunity to express how much they love you and want to help you. Hugs to you. anyway. i’m really sorry i haven’t been on IRC, or posting on here. i miss when i could sit up and be useful and help anyone in need. i "cat nap" sitting up a lot, not sleeping, but resting my body as much as possible. weird existence, not sure how much longer it’ll go on. i hope i can participate more, i really miss being a useful part of the community!

Liz http://www.geocities.com/wellesley/7368 A closed mind gathers no thoughts. -Anonymous friend

Response:

Thanks Jeeco, Getting away from it sometimes is such a good idea, because it never seems quite as bad.     Sera,     You have nothing to be sorry for.     You’re sure having a tough patch right now.  Tell you what, that chair, the one with the fluffy white bear skin is next to the fire.  Sit for while, the sun is going down at the end of the valley, dancing light is coming up from the river where it’s reflecting off the silver leaves and the stream is singing a peaceful chant.  Sit a while, leave it all behind for just a bit. Unfortunately it will probably still be there but perhaps you’ll be more rested and it will be easier to take.     This sounds wonderful, I close my eyes and I can almost be there, funny I can smell cinnamon,  I just love that smell and the smell of almonds too.     Sera, drifting.     Thanks Jeeco, wonderful wonderful wonderful.

Response:

Hi Jaffa, How are you? I am better than I was, thank you. I am still smelling cinnamon. Sera. Take care of yourself too Jaffa.

Response:

I guess it should be.  Just not used to it.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – feel for everbody else. — Nobody’s home, even if someone is.

Response:

Hi Jaffa, How are you?

Er….er….reasonably happy ? I am better than I was, thank you.

That’s good I hope the trend continues ) I am still smelling cinnamon.

smile Sera. Take care of yourself too Jaffa.

I do my best. jaffa Keep me away from wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children.

Response:

sorry about last post, Scamper I amthinking of you Crisis gal, I was thinking about you yesterday, did I write a post?  I am really confused. Buff Lee how is your friend? Rosee how are you doing? Nem, thanks for being there for me. Alan hope you are a little better. And everyone else.  Take care. Seraphina.

Response:

sorry about last post,

no need – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Scamper I amthinking of you Crisis gal, I was thinking about you yesterday, did I write a post?  I am really confused. Buff Lee how is your friend? Rosee how are you doing? Nem, thanks for being there for me. Alan hope you are a little better. And everyone else.  Take care. Seraphina.

you take care too jaffa And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries.

Response:

feel for everbody else. — Nobody’s home, even if someone is.

Response:

sorry for coming where i was not wanted. sorry for intrudin. sorry for changing my nick. sorry for beeing a damn coward. sorry for maybe upsetting people. sorry for beein me.

Response:

I’m sorry that I have not kept in touch with you all, I have been battling demons, I hope that everyone will try to be strong, Cheri

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hmmmm……I guess I missed some more posts.  Sorry that you feel unwanted.  I have a feeling that it’s not that way.  Some people here are pretty blunt & hopefully I am one of them.   Stick around & find out if what you beleive is being said is what was meant.   That is if ya wanta. polly wog sorry for coming where i was not wanted. sorry for intrudin. sorry for changing my nick. sorry for beeing a damn coward. sorry for maybe upsetting people. sorry for beein me. and the greatest of these is love

Response:

hold on a minute.. i think you misunderstood..  you are most welcome on irc, but ppl generally want to know a bit about you.. we asked the other night when you came on..  it doesnt matter what nic you use.. gardenia

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – sorry for coming where i was not wanted. sorry for intrudin. sorry for changing my nick. sorry for beeing a damn coward. sorry for maybe upsetting people. sorry for beein me.

Response:

THIS MESSAGE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE NEWSGROUP ALT.ABUSE.RECOVERY and hasn’t had any fun since

heh. um… yes, i t was confusing. now who is pine. never heard that one before

polly, who’s on first and what is pine. <sorry, sleep loss makes me goofy*er*. ; it’s a mail / news client thingie for unix people. it’s called pine because people who use it pine to use outlook express under microsoft windows instead. also because when the first version was released, computers were made of wood, often pine, and the term "message board" had a slightly different meaning from its present-day one. cal

hey cal, are you running Micro$loth yarn again? if we had to pick a M$ program, we guess that would be our favorite, but it depends who’s running it. that Gates guy used all his best yarn code to convince ppls to use his product. <g ah, i remember my first wooden computer, we upgraded it one time by nailing a calculator to it. back in the day…. now we’re MacSOUP-er. we’d try and say WWJD, and would like to think he would use a mac, but it does have a big apple on the front of it with a bite taken out. embies, temporarily left handed and narcoleptic again. (fell asleep at the rent’s house twice. *eewwwwww vulnerability* ) p.s. *quick shoulder massage for you before we lay our head down again.* wow, it’s like fluffing a pillow. ‘night again. zzzzzzzzzzzzz…. Be bold in what you stand for and careful of what you fall for. ~ Ruth Boorstin — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi

Response:

–

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – are you running Micro$loth yarn again? if we had to pick a M$ program, we guess that would be our favorite, but it depends who’s running it. that Gates guy used all his best yarn code to convince ppls to use his product. <g ah, i remember my first wooden computer, we upgraded it one time by nailing a calculator to it. back in the day…. now we’re MacSOUP-er. we’d try and say WWJD, and would like to think he would use a mac, but it does have a big apple on the front of it with a bite taken out. embies, temporarily left handed and narcoleptic again. (fell asleep at the rent’s house twice. *eewwwwww vulnerability* ) p.s. *quick shoulder massage for you before we lay our head down again.* wow, it’s like fluffing a pillow. ‘night again. zzzzzzzzzzzzz….

sorry that happened.  sorry you felt vulnerable.  yucky feeling for me most of the time. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Be bold in what you stand for and careful of what you fall for. ~ Ruth Boorstin — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi

Response:

– THIS MESSAGE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE  NEWSGROUP ALT.ABUSE.RECOVERY  AND IS REPUBLISHED HERE WITHOUT THE AUTHOR’S PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – X-No-Archive: Yes Its a tree, smells nice too!! Lindsey um… yes, i t was confusing.  now who is pine. never heard that one before — THIS MESSAGE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE  NEWSGROUP ALT.ABUSE.RECOVERY  AND IS REPUBLISHED HERE WITHOUT THE AUTHOR’S PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE well, actually, it wasn’t.  i was trying to access some of the posts that had gotten hidden cuz i marked them read, but to do that i have to unhide all the posts on the server.  pine kept getting errors cuz it’s memory is too small to deal with 24000+ messages.  in the past, if there was a recent post not hidden, then i could be at the end of the list when i unhid the rest of the posts and it would let me navigate around at the end of the list.  otherwise, pine would put me at the beginning of the list.  but there wasn’t anyone posting anything new, so i had to create something.  and pine still didn’t let me navigate through all those posts.  :P   so i had to go post from news.cis.dfn, which i access thru free agent.  i’m sure this was totally confusing and more than you wanted to know. — astri want really a sorry test.  seemed kinda successful — THIS MESSAGE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE NEWSGROUP ALT.ABUSE.RECOVERY AND IS REPUBLISHED HERE WITHOUT THE AUTHOR’S PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE test — For more information about this NNTP posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi

Response:

–

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – THIS MESSAGE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE NEWSGROUP ALT.ABUSE.RECOVERY and is now having all kinds of fun um… yes, i t was confusing.  now who is pine. never heard that one before it’s a mail / news client thingie for unix people.  it’s called pine because people who use it pine to use outlook express under microsoft windows instead.  also because when the first version was released, computers were made of wood, often pine, and the term "message board" had a slightly different meaning from its present-day one. cal well, actually, it wasn’t.  i was trying to access some of the posts that had gotten hidden cuz i marked them read, but to do that i have to unhide all the posts on the server.  pine kept getting errors cuz it’s memory is too small to deal with 24000+ messages.  in the past, if there was a recent post not hidden, then i could be at the end of the list when i unhid the rest of the posts and it would let me navigate around at the end of the list.  otherwise, pine would put me at the beginning of the list.  but there wasn’t anyone posting anything new, so i had to create something.  and pine still didn’t let me navigate through all those posts.  :P   so i had to go post from news.cis.dfn, which i access thru free agent.  i’m sure this was totally confusing and more than you wanted to know. — astri want really a sorry test.  seemed kinda successful

Response:

– THIS MESSAGE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE  NEWSGROUP ALT.ABUSE.RECOVERY  AND IS REPUBLISHED HERE WITHOUT THE AUTHOR’S PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE

pine is a program for email and posting if you have direct access to your server’s shell.  i like it cuz i don’t download anything onto my computer unless i specifically choose to.  but it’s very simple and only does text.

lordy.  why do i ask questions knowing i will be lost w/ the answers – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – — astri um… yes, i t was confusing.  now who is pine. never heard that one before — THIS MESSAGE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE NEWSGROUP ALT.ABUSE.RECOVERY AND IS REPUBLISHED HERE WITHOUT THE AUTHOR’S PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE well, actually, it wasn’t.  i was trying to access some of the posts that had gotten hidden cuz i marked them read, but to do that i have to unhide all the posts on the server.  pine kept getting errors cuz it’s memory is too small to deal with 24000+ messages.  in the past, if there was a recent post not hidden, then i could be at the end of the list when i unhid the rest of the posts and it would let me navigate around at the end of the list.  otherwise, pine would put me at the beginning of the list.  but there wasn’t anyone posting anything new, so i had to create something.  and pine still didn’t let me navigate through all those posts.  :P   so i had to go post from news.cis.dfn, which i access thru free agent.  i’m sure this was totally confusing and more than you wanted to know. — astri want really a sorry test.  seemed kinda successful — THIS MESSAGE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE NEWSGROUP ALT.ABUSE.RECOVERY AND IS REPUBLISHED HERE WITHOUT THE AUTHOR’S PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE test

Response:

THIS MESSAGE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE NEWSGROUP ALT.ABUSE.RECOVERY and hasn’t had any fun since

um… yes, i t was confusing.  now who is pine. never heard that one before

it’s a mail / news client thingie for unix people.  it’s called pine because people who use it pine to use outlook express under microsoft windows instead.  also because when the first version was released, computers were made of wood, often pine, and the term "message board" had a slightly different meaning from its present-day one. cal – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – well, actually, it wasn’t.  i was trying to access some of the posts that had gotten hidden cuz i marked them read, but to do that i have to unhide all the posts on the server.  pine kept getting errors cuz it’s memory is too small to deal with 24000+ messages.  in the past, if there was a recent post not hidden, then i could be at the end of the list when i unhid the rest of the posts and it would let me navigate around at the end of the list.  otherwise, pine would put me at the beginning of the list.  but there wasn’t anyone posting anything new, so i had to create something.  and pine still didn’t let me navigate through all those posts.  :P   so i had to go post from news.cis.dfn, which i access thru free agent.  i’m sure this was totally confusing and more than you wanted to know. — astri want really a sorry test.  seemed kinda successful

Response:

um… yes, i t was confusing.  now who is pine. never heard that one before — THIS MESSAGE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE  NEWSGROUP ALT.ABUSE.RECOVERY  AND IS REPUBLISHED HERE WITHOUT THE AUTHOR’S PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – well, actually, it wasn’t.  i was trying to access some of the posts that had gotten hidden cuz i marked them read, but to do that i have to unhide all the posts on the server.  pine kept getting errors cuz it’s memory is too small to deal with 24000+ messages.  in the past, if there was a recent post not hidden, then i could be at the end of the list when i unhid the rest of the posts and it would let me navigate around at the end of the list.  otherwise, pine would put me at the beginning of the list.  but there wasn’t anyone posting anything new, so i had to create something.  and pine still didn’t let me navigate through all those posts.  :P   so i had to go post from news.cis.dfn, which i access thru free agent.  i’m sure this was totally confusing and more than you wanted to know. — astri want really a sorry test.  seemed kinda successful — THIS MESSAGE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE NEWSGROUP ALT.ABUSE.RECOVERY AND IS REPUBLISHED HERE WITHOUT THE AUTHOR’S PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE test

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THIS MESSAGE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE NEWSGROUP ALT.ABUSE.RECOVERY and hasn’t had any fun since um… yes, i t was confusing.  now who is pine. never heard that one before it’s a mail / news client thingie for unix people.  it’s called pine because people who use it pine to use outlook express under microsoft windows

nonononononono we pine for the good ole days when you didn’t get anyone posting and emailing in html. we certainly don’t pine for the vulnerability to virus, worms and assorted other invasions people get when they use ms clients. instead.  also because when the first version was released, computers were made of wood, often pine, and the term "message board" had a slightly different meaning from its present-day one. cal

yah. — astri – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – well, actually, it wasn’t.  i was trying to access some of the posts that had gotten hidden cuz i marked them read, but to do that i have to unhide all the posts on the server.  pine kept getting errors cuz it’s memory is too small to deal with 24000+ messages.  in the past, if there was a recent post not hidden, then i could be at the end of the list when i unhid the rest of the posts and it would let me navigate around at the end of the list.  otherwise, pine would put me at the beginning of the list.  but there wasn’t anyone posting anything new, so i had to create something.  and pine still didn’t let me navigate through all those posts.  :P   so i had to go post from news.cis.dfn, which i access thru free agent.  i’m sure this was totally confusing and more than you wanted to know. — astri want really a sorry test.  seemed kinda successful

Response:

pine is a program for email and posting if you have direct access to your server’s shell.  i like it cuz i don’t download anything onto my computer unless i specifically choose to.  but it’s very simple and only does text. — astri – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – um… yes, i t was confusing.  now who is pine. never heard that one before — THIS MESSAGE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE NEWSGROUP ALT.ABUSE.RECOVERY AND IS REPUBLISHED HERE WITHOUT THE AUTHOR’S PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE well, actually, it wasn’t.  i was trying to access some of the posts that had gotten hidden cuz i marked them read, but to do that i have to unhide all the posts on the server.  pine kept getting errors cuz it’s memory is too small to deal with 24000+ messages.  in the past, if there was a recent post not hidden, then i could be at the end of the list when i unhid the rest of the posts and it would let me navigate around at the end of the list.  otherwise, pine would put me at the beginning of the list.  but there wasn’t anyone posting anything new, so i had to create something.  and pine still didn’t let me navigate through all those posts.  :P   so i had to go post from news.cis.dfn, which i access thru free agent.  i’m sure this was totally confusing and more than you wanted to know. — astri want really a sorry test.  seemed kinda successful — THIS MESSAGE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE NEWSGROUP ALT.ABUSE.RECOVERY AND IS REPUBLISHED HERE WITHOUT THE AUTHOR’S PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE test

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test

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want really a sorry test.  seemed kinda successful — THIS MESSAGE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE  NEWSGROUP ALT.ABUSE.RECOVERY  AND IS REPUBLISHED HERE WITHOUT THE AUTHOR’S PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – test

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well, actually, it wasn’t.  i was trying to access some of the posts that had gotten hidden cuz i marked them read, but to do that i have to unhide all the posts on the server.  pine kept getting errors cuz it’s memory is too small to deal with 24000+ messages.  in the past, if there was a recent post not hidden, then i could be at the end of the list when i unhid the rest of the posts and it would let me navigate around at the end of the list.  otherwise, pine would put me at the beginning of the list.  but there wasn’t anyone posting anything new, so i had to create something.  and pine still didn’t let me navigate through all those posts.  :P   so i had to go post from news.cis.dfn, which i access thru free agent.  i’m sure this was totally confusing and more than you wanted to know. — astri – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – want really a sorry test.  seemed kinda successful — THIS MESSAGE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE NEWSGROUP ALT.ABUSE.RECOVERY AND IS REPUBLISHED HERE WITHOUT THE AUTHOR’S PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE test

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i’m *so* sorry really no, really i am uh huh — astri – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – X-No-Archive: Yes Yeah could you not post this kind of stuff again – its off topic….. giggle. well, actually, it wasn’t.  i was trying to access some of the posts that had gotten hidden cuz i marked them read, but to do that i have to unhide all the posts on the server.  pine kept getting errors cuz it’s memory is too small to deal with 24000+ messages.  in the past, if there was a recent post not hidden, then i could be at the end of the list when i unhid the rest of the posts and it would let me navigate around at the end of the list.  otherwise, pine would put me at the beginning of the list.  but there wasn’t anyone posting anything new, so i had to create something.  and pine still didn’t let me navigate through all those posts.  :P   so i had to go post from news.cis.dfn, which i access thru free agent.  i’m sure this was totally confusing and more than you wanted to know. — astri want really a sorry test.  seemed kinda successful — THIS MESSAGE WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON THE NEWSGROUP ALT.ABUSE.RECOVERY AND IS REPUBLISHED HERE WITHOUT THE AUTHOR’S PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE test — For more information about this NNTP posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi

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