Next time someone does or says something that hurts see it as a gift. Ask yourself “What do I wish they would do?”. This is the hidden treasure that lets you know what you need to do for yourself.
This is a practice I learned from Debbie Mirza’s book “The Safest Place Possible”. When somebody says something that hurts it often indicates an area where you need to be kinder to yourself or take better care of yourself.
For example recently a manager at work made a comment to the effect that I was too quiet. I felt bad. I had been trying to speak up more at work but was struggling. This was my first job after escaping an abusive relationship. I was also angry because I had told them something about my struggles with domestic abuse and how it had affected me and now doubted whether I should have trusted them with this information.
Instead of feeling bad for too long I asked myself what I wish they had done. I realised I wished they had said “I know you’ve got a lot to say but you still don’t feel 100% comfortable around others. I believe in you. I know that you’re working on yourself and your confidence and you’ll get there. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say”.
I found that once I’ve come up with what I wish this person had said or done it really helps to then say these things to myself. This is the hidden treasure. I’ve found that when I do this that I can really feel the relaxation and sense of peace. You are letting yourself know that you are there for you and know what you need.