I’ve started to heal after a lifetime of struggling with being narcissistically abused. I wanted to start this blog to document the journey and share what is working for me with others.
I hit rock bottom after an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship with my son’s father. That relationship ended in 2013 but that was really only the beginning. When the relationship ended he systematically tried to destroy me emotionally, mentally, financially, professionally and socially using our son as a pawn with complete disregard for his welfare. He tried his very best to turn the family court system against me in the UK, to run me out of money and to destroy me all the time pretending to be a fine upstanding family man while simultaneously abusing me and our son. He did his best to portray himself as a very professional, very middle class man who was being persecuted by his “crazy” mentally unstable ex and so many people fell for it. It was a truly horrible experience that I would not wish on anyone. It was one of those life changing experiences that forever alters your perspective on life but also teaches you things you would never have learned otherwise.
In the years of dealing with the protracted legal battle, I’ve made mistake after mistake but through trial and error and increased awareness I eventually got very good at dealing with a hyper aggressive manipulative personality like his in a very high stakes legal situation where the well being of my son was on the line. Abusers often manage to turn the family court system against their victims through gaslighting, lies and smear campaigns and I certainly experienced the full force of his attempts to con the system. I learned to tread a very narrow and precarious path towards safety for my son and I. Although I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone, these life lessons were transformative for me.
I started on the path to healing when I went to a psychotherapist for help. When I approached him I begged him “Please help me. What do I need to do to deal with him? What can I do to protect my son?”. I eventually have come to realise the question is not “How do I deal with him?” but “How do I heal and learn to love myself?”. Everything else flows naturally from that. He worked in play therapy with my son and I and with me individually and started me down the the right path of working on myself rather than existing simply in reaction to what my ex was going to do next. Getting in touch with my feelings, healing my inner child, bringing my own childhood trauma out of dissociation and getting in touch with myself and out of the abuse paradigm I had known all my life.
I really started to make progress when I discovered mindfulness and started reading up on Buddhist practices. Some new age concepts really helped too. I discovered the YouTube channels by Meredith Miller and Vappole dealing with healing from narcissistic abuse which really helped. I also got in touch with a psychotherapist called Jerry Wise when I saw his video about the “Annihilated Self” which really resonated. He sent me this huge reading list which I started to work through. Finally an insane sequence of synchronistic events in my life spanning about a year finally allowed me to pierce the denial of the programming from my family of origin.
I started this blog to share what has helped me to heal after a lifetime of being narcissistically abused and to share my own experiences and hard won insights into these very aggressive, very manipulative and in my experience commonly misunderstood personalities.